Monday, August 8, 2011

Ask Simon, The A$$hole Video Clerk


Ask Simon, the Asshole Video Clerk
By Simon St. James

So you always say everything is terrible. What are some good movies, in your bitter opinion? Thnxkbi
I refuse to answer your question, on the grounds that anyone who says “thnxkbi” makes me want to hire a musclebound female body guard and have her choke them. I’m blocking your email, so you can never write me back. Thanks. Ok? Good bye. HOW HARD IS THAT TO TYPE?!?
So I saw your countdown of shitty Matthew McConaughey movies. Why all the hate, dude? And is he your most hated actor? Situation2XL
As I have stated time and again, I do not “hate” McConaughey. I have never met the man. I suppose that in person he is probably very nice. And he seems like he would be fun to play the bongos with. But as for his movies – yes, I totally do hate his movies. But you do raise a fair question, Anonymous Question Asker, and the answer is no, he does not make my most-hated movies. Well who does? The answer can be found in the title of my forthcoming book of essays and reviews
Adam Sandler is the Worst Person Who Ever Lived

To be fair, this is a late addition to the book. The working title was I Don’t Care What Anybody Says, Lord of the Rings is Not that Great. Which I still like, but I think there’s a strong undercurrent of Sandler resentment on the internets, and this title will get me more hits.

You can’t possibly hate ALL movies. What are some movies you actually like? Connie L.
Same question as earlier, phrased in a way much less aggressive and stupid. So fine, if you really want to know. I watch a lot of foreign films, and independent films. The entire filmographies of Hayao Miyazaki, Francois Truffaunt, Ingar Bergman, and Federico Fellini are all amazing and must see for anyone who truly considers themselves a fan of film. Not movies, but FILM. Currently, Lars Von Trier is the best director currently working.
The last two great films I saw were Sofia Coppola’s haunting and beautiful Somewhere, and the intelligent and hilarious absurdist comedy Rubber.

Send me questions through my Facebook, or at Simonstjames@yahoo.com Thnxkbi  

15 comments:

  1. Very informative. keep em coming

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  2. I've got to check those 2 movies out. I'm usually discerning, but don't hate as many movies as you do.

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  3. Cool blog brother. Following you now :)

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  4. +follow. I HATE Adam Sandler. thanks / /

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  5. calm down man, no need to be so uncool

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  6. Adam Sandler is not that bad...

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  7. Apparently you never saw Bedtime Stories or Click. Cinematic masterpieces.

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  8. I totally agree on adam his movies are dumb and juvenile. Punk drunk love made me want to punch him int he face

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  9. Cant remember me watching an Adam Sandler movie, should check one out I guess

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